I get it. Marriage is meant to be forever. But….let’s be honest. Sometimes we fuck up and marry a piece of shit. Then we are supposed to raise kids in a home full of anxiety, yelling, drama, bad feelings? Oh, let me guess…we are supposed to fake being happy for the sake of the kids. Well there is a full proof plan that the kids will never see through (insert eye roll here). Or even better, we can “make” the other parent behave in an appropriate manner in front of the kids. Yea…because that works.
3 years of Christian marriage counseling. 3 years of feeling like I begged to have my feelings validated. 3 years of “you have to stay married unless there is physical violence”. Look, I very much believe in the big dude in the sky. I very much believe Jesus died for our sins. I also very much believe in mental and emotional abuse being just as bad as physical. I needed, but even more so my kids needed, for someone to step in and say “here is the real deal, this is toxic and you have every right to leave. You SHOULD leave.” I don’t have anything against the Church per say, but these antiquated marriage ideas are crap!
Sure, if both people in the marriage want to make it better and make an effort it can totally work. But for “counselors” to be totally blind because they want to see the best in everyone and ignore the fact that one of the people in the marriage are faking it is TOTAL BULLSHIT. You can’t always see the good in someone. Not everyone has good in them to be totally fucking real.
I don’t blame the church for me staying so long in that marriage. I could have put on my big girl pants and left sooner. I mean, being told I was a piece of crap constantly kind of put a damper on any self esteem I had and therefore made me think maybe I couldn’t do it. But again I don’t blame anyone else for my life choices.
I hope one day the church’s and courts take emotional and mental abuse as serious as physical abuse. There may not be visible bruises, but there are kids committing suicide, kids killing other kids, kid getting into drugs and alcohol, kids needing antidepressants and anti anxiety meds. Coincidence? Probably not.