I have no idea if Cherophobia is a real thing, honestly i didn’t do my research. But it really doesn’t matter to me because…well, it means something to me.
This is where i am right now. Happy…and it scares the ever living shit out of me. I am happy in my marriage, i am happy having my kids FULL TIME, i am happy to be building my business. I am just happy. Don’t get me wrong, if a kid gives me an attitude, they are gettin’ the side eye from an annoyed mom. This also doesn’t mean that if the chores aren’t done i wont take away electronics from above mentioned kids. I am not saying i am Mary Fucking Poppins. I am saying, i’m content and happy in my own skin. I don’t feel i need to look younger or thinner or i need to change something about myself.
Maybe it because i am turning 41 tomorrow and i just don’t give a shit. -Side note- damn i cuss a lot. Anyhoo, again i don’t care. Maybe all the bullshit i have gone through has brought me to this point of being content. Maybe i finally feel like this is the life i am supposed to be living.
Here is where the problem is…WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO DESTROY MY HAPPINESS? What is going to happen to devastate me and the life i am creating? I don’t know if this is a ridiculous thought or understandable. I don’t know how many people think this way. But i do know that it sucks, it sucks bad. I laugh with my kids wondering if a knock at the door will be “the boogie man”. I watch them ride away for a bike ride wondering if something bad is going to happen.
I wish there was a moral to this story. Hopefully i will look back at this one day and think to myself “what a neurotic hot mess i was”.