I am trying to teach my girls boundaries. Not in the ‘2 year old trying to show you their booger’ sense, but more of the ‘leave me alone before I cut you’ sense. Not only because I am totally out numbered by 3 girls, 2 step kids and a husband…and a needy dog as well, but because one day they will need this tool as a teenager and then adult. Every human, and probably most animals need their own space sometimes. Human mommies don’t get this space nearly enough. No…really…
There is the idea in this society that mommies and can go and go and go and are expected to not only live, but also thrive on zero sleep and even less energy. Mommies are expected to have these superpowers to know where every kids lost shoe is, their backpack they had literally 5 seconds ago, their blankly they can NOT sleep without, and on top of all this, where their husbands wallet is! Oh, and obviously the above mentioned mommy must be able to accomplish this all at the same time while having 4 people asking other random questions.
I want them to know that people need quiet time sometimes and that its totally acceptable to ask for it, demand it if needed. Sometimes we need to settle ourselves, re balance ourselves so we can continue. Its like the idea of putting your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. You cant be a good wife, mom, student, employee, if you are so burned out you cant think straight.
I hope that by telling my girls “mommy is setting boundaries right now and needs some space” or “mommy doesn’t want to be grumpy at you guys so please can i have 5 minutes’ they learn to use this when peer pressure rears it ugly head. Or when other kids are being mean. Or when they think dating a bad-boy is cool, before they learn that he is not a bad-boy but in fact just a disrespectful asshole. Or when they have a boss that asks more an more and more of them, i want them to have the tools and the confidence to put their foot down and say no more.
If by chance they end up in a bad relationship and he treats them bad, i want them to know its OK to stand up for themselves, no matter how much someone else is trying to keep them down. To expect to be treated with respect and accept NOTHING less. And to recognize the red flags of unhealthy friendships and relationships so maybe they wont go through what so many of us all have. I want them to know what abuse is, how it can sneak up in a relationship. How ‘jokes’ could be just the beginning of an emotional and mental roller coaster.
I want my girls to know how important their feelings are, how important they are and much they deserve in this world. I am 41 and still trying to figure this out for myself.