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Scared of happiness

I have no idea if Cherophobia is a real thing, honestly i didn’t do my research. But it really doesn’t matter to me because…well, it means something to me.

This is where i am right now. Happy…and it scares the ever living shit out of me. I am happy in my marriage, i am happy having my kids FULL TIME, i am happy to be building my business. I am just happy. Don’t get me wrong, if a kid gives me an attitude, they are gettin’ the side eye from an annoyed mom. This also doesn’t mean that if the chores aren’t done i wont take away electronics from above mentioned kids. I am not saying i am Mary Fucking Poppins. I am saying, i’m content and happy in my own skin. I don’t feel i need to look younger or thinner or i need to change something about myself. Read more

CPS

Here are my feelings…. I get that Child Protective Services is needed in society. I get that Child Protective Services have a very important role to play in keeping some families safe. I get that this is a needed service in some situations. But…the rant begins in 3…2…1…

FUCK YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES THAT USE CPS AS A WAY TO MANIPULATE THE SYSTEM. Making false reports to try to take the kids away from a safe home is despicable and you deserve to go to hell. Using the system, and therefore, the children is disgusting and ILLEGAL. However, when someone makes a call to CPS it is considered real until proven otherwise. And i totally understand why they do this, if the kids need to be removed to be safe then absolutely take them and ask questions later.

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Soooo…Religion huh?

I get it. Marriage is meant to be forever. But….let’s be honest. Sometimes we fuck up and marry a piece of shit. Then we are supposed to raise kids in a home full of anxiety, yelling, drama, bad feelings? Oh, let me guess…we are supposed to fake being happy for the sake of the kids. Well there is a full proof plan that the kids will never see through (insert eye roll here). Or even better, we can “make” the other parent behave in an appropriate manner in front of the kids. Yea…because that works. Read more

How did i get myself in this situation?!?!

I wonder why i ended up in a shitty marriage. I wonder why i put up with it for so long. I wonder why i left myself settle.

I think for myself and most women in the same situation i was in, it is because we don’t value our self worth. I think it starts that way at least, then spirals out of control when we are continuously belittled and told we are bad moms and women. One time i was told im a bad because…now get this…i was about 7 months pregnant and exhausted from a 1 year old and a 6 year old….AND I DIDNT DO THE DISHES!!! He should have divorced me immediately (insert sarcastic eye roll here). Now, the obvious response is “Why the fuck didnt he do the dishes?” but that is using common sense and we all know that doesnt work in these scenarios. Read more

The “Perfect” Family

Blehhh…just typing that annoys the shit out of me. There is no such thing as the “perfect family”, trust me, I know this to be a fact. I have mentioned before that I had no idea of Narcissism or what the hell that is until the divorce. If I had, maybe, just maybe (let me give myself a little credit here) I may have left sooner. Or maybe I would have stayed but at least recognized the fuck was going on. Now, after reading about it, talking to some women that have also been through this…it all makes sense. Read more

A Letter to the Younger Me

You are beautiful. You are smart. You don’t need to settle. There are bad people in this world. People that don’t care about your well being, people that care only about themselves and their own interests. So please keep your eyes open.

You don’t need to feel so self conscious, if you let the real you show, people will be attracted to that. The tough “I don’t care” front is not necessary. Being “cool” isn’t a real thing. “Cool kids” don’t really exist. Popularity doesn’t matter. Just be yourself. Read more