Life has a funny way of kicking us in the ass when we least expect it. It’s like your all “look at me all adulting and shit!” Then before you know it your a 41 year old crying to your mommy. I go to my mom for parenting advice a lot. Maybe it just to vent to her. Maybe its because I just want someone to say “your doing a good job as a mom…sometimes kids just suck”.
What is also funny about life is that it likes to throw like 27 things at you at once to knock you on your ass. It’s not just one thing that goes wrong at a time…that would be too easy. It’s your job, your kid, your car, the water heater, then throw in a death in the family for good measure. Mine are a little different but pretty much explains where I am in life right now. Right now my new normal is “sweet, another rehab facility called me with some info!” Let me just say, this should never be a parents “normal”. But…here we are anyway.
Fighting my way to being a good mom and wife during life being an asshole is hard. I get out of bed even though I want to hide. I put on a smile and make my kid lunch (she is 10 and can make her own but she is my last “baby” and she thinks my sandwich’s taste better. Or she is playing me, either way, I love it.) I go grocery shopping even though I barely have the energy to brush my damn teeth. I make dinner even though I have no appetite. Then after the kids go to bed, I hang out with my husband and we watch our shows, even though I’m exhausted and just want to cry or sleep. We talk about about our days, even though I just want to forgot so much of it.
My point, as moms we “fake it ‘til we make it”. I literally plopped my ass in the principals chair at one of my kids schools and vented to her. Then asked when I get to snap, her answer “you don’t, your a mom”. It’s true. And we aren’t strong because we want to be, or because we are “good moms”. We are strong because we have no other choice. My love for my kids keeps me from checking myself into the nearest looney bin for a 72 hour “vacation”.
Can I just add, while looking into rehabs for my oldest, I’m thinking “shit, they cook and clean for the kids and they get to focus on themselves all day? Shit, how do I sign up for this?!?”
But in all reality, even one day away from my asshole kids would be too long. The kiss goodnight somehow makes everything better and gives me the strength to power through the next day.